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Next to Fail...

Well, well, well...who's next to fail? The Jets now, after failing to make the playoffs, after firing their "genius" head coach, have to make some decisions. First, a new coach. Lets think about this, what type of coach do we want?
Well, I want a beast of a man. And when I say that I don't mean physically, I mean intelligently. I want someone who thinks about the density of an obtuse triangle, or the weight properties of ergonomics in an Einstein equation...divided by two. I want someone who will make the players this team spent so much money on, actually work. I want someone who will break down the o-line and teach them the meaning of "protection".
Now, forget WHAT we would like, lets talk about WHO we would like. I once heard a tale of a giant of a man. A man who breathes fire and walks among the clouds. A man whose voice shatters stone and whose been known to chew concrete. A man's man, a man among men.
Who is this warrior that I speak of? William P. Cowher.
I know. I know. The reports say he wont coach the Jets and his upitty agent says he doesn't want the job. But I don't believe it, not for a second. The Carolina job wont be up grabs (Cowhers daughter goes to school down there). So why not New York. He's use to the weather and New York has the funds to give him one of the most attractive head coaching contracts ever.
Now, I do have a second candidate, and many of you might not agree. But I think its a sexy pick... Michael T. Ditka! How awesome would that be?
Imagine Ditka screaming and yelling on the sideline, his face turning a blistering maroon, steam pouring from his ears like a bull on a crack high, snot running from his nose like Nigerian track star. AWESOME!
Whoever it is, its time to swing for the fences. Don't go after an assistant coach to some genius on a good team again. Go after a proven professional, someone who knows what its like to win. Someone who knows how to punish, motivate and relate to the giant payroll of players we now accommodate.
This is the Jets chance to give us hope for 2009. Jason Garrett wont cut it. Greg Williams wont cut it. And the rumors I'm hearing of Marty Mornhinweg (asst. head coach/off. coordinator for the Eagles), wont cut it. That sounds about as sexy as Greta Van Susteren posing for playboy.
Either way, don't let us down. Pick someone who is surrounded by the fantasy that he might actually make something of this team. Oh, and by the way Tim Tebow looks awfully attractive now doesn't he. Even if Favre comes back, its not going to last forever, so look towards the future. That's if he decides to come out.
It doesn't matter, maybe I'm just wasting the effort of my fingers, we'll probably be let down again. And we'll be having this conversation again next January.
Its pathetic, good bye.

--D.H. Bradway


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